Shed Your Armor
by Bezelburr
Summary: It all started when she found Jane's vest in her bed. Lisbon has always been the logical one, keeping everyone grounded. So when she feels herself spiraling into insanity, how will she cope?
1. Chapter 1: Lost and Found

I apologize for my hiatus! I've been doing stuff I guess. I also apologize for uploading a new story instead of just updating any of my other ones. I will update them, I promise! But this plot bunny was mean, it threatened me. Actually, one day I had an idea for a prompt, but had no idea where to go with it. It was just Lisbon, waking up to find Jane's vest in her bed with no idea as to why. So I mulled it over a while, and finally figured out what to do with it! But a warning to you all, it's meant to be kind of a head trip, though I'm not sure if I was able to get that through well enough, so criticism, as always, is welcome!

And once again, if I don't even own the car I drive, then I definitely don't own The Mentalist!

Spoilers for 2x3: Red Badge

***

Ch. 1 – Lost and Found

The obnoxious tone of my alarm shook me from my dreamless state, and I rubbed my forehead feeling groggy. If it wasn't for the familiar scenery of my room I might have wondered where I was. Everything looked as it should, but I couldn't shake this distant, hazy feel the world seemed to hold.

Was I drinking last night? When I thought about it, I found I didn't even remember leaving my office. And I had no headache that usually followed a night of drinking. My sinuses felt clogged, but that was about it. I didn't always get hangovers, but even I knew it was unusual not to have one if I drank enough to black out. And even more unusual was I didn't remember deciding to drink.

I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes with one hand and using the other as a support on my bed. I scrunched the fabric that rested underneath. It felt familiar, but it definitely didn't belong on my bed.

And there it was, I recognized it immediately.

Jane's vest was lying there next to me in my bed.

Just what the hell happened last night?

Immediately I got up to look for the annoying consultant who dared to enter my sanctuary, but he was nowhere to be found. There wasn't even any evidence that he'd been there at all, aside from his vest. The shower hadn't been used, no breakfast or tea had been made. Hell, all the dirty dishes were still stacked in my sink and there didn't seem to be any extra dishes.

The inevitable shiver crept up and my whole body tensed. This whole thing felt too much like the McTeer case. Only now it seemed to involve the only man who was able to clear my name then.

But how? Ever since then I made sure to be extra careful about my food and drinks at work.

The stress seemed to exacerbate the strain on my already clogged sinuses. So I immediately rummaged through my bag for the Benadryl. Strange though, four pills were already missing from the pack and I'd only bought it a couple days ago. Maybe Jane took them. Allergy season is starting up, and lord knows that man has no sense of personal boundaries.

I could only hope that when I arrived at work I wouldn't be accused of another crime. But if a certain blond man didn't give me answers, I might end up killing him.

---

The atmosphere of my office felt less distant. It was still kind of hazy, but it felt more real than my room, or the strangely quick drive here. Actually, the drive here seemed more like a blur. And for some reason my office seemed... darker than it should. To remedy this I flicked the lamp on, but the instant I did the retinas in my eyes scorched as if they were on fire. I yelped in pain and turned off the offending light.

If I wasn't afraid this morning, I certainly am now.

I reached for my cross just to feel a little bit of comfort. It took all of my strength not to cry right then and there from what I felt, or rather, what I didn't feel. My cross wasn't around my neck. I couldn't find it this morning when I was getting ready for work.

I heard my door open and slam shut in a hurry. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. I couldn't bear to look at him, not now, not when I felt so vulnerable. I needed to focus on anything besides him and the living nightmare he somehow started.

I looked at my bag that had his vest shoved inside.

No. That's how all of this started.

I turned to my desk and studied every detail of it. A small glimmer caught my eye. I walked over and gripped it in my hand.

_How dare he!..._

"Lisbon, are you okay? I heard you shout and then I just saw you standing there in the dar--"

"Do you think this is _funny_?!" I interrupted and held up my cross.

"I-- what? I don't..."

Why was he stammering? Jane never stammered. Where was that witty retort of his? The son of a bitch couldn't even make up an excuse as to why he took my cross?

"Lisbon, what are--"

"You know what? Whatever. Just take it, Jane."

I shoved the tiny object into his vest-less chest and stormed out to the bathroom. I already couldn't think straight, but now... Now anger was flowing out of every pore on my body, and I still didn't have any answers.


	2. Chapter 2: Self Reflection

'Bez, why didn't you just upload all of this as a oneshot instead of making it multiple chapters when you've already got the entire story written?' Oh... Because I love cliffhangers. Plus, that'd be a lot of reading in just one shot. And I'm a good advertiser, knowing some people see so many words in one chapter and deciding "nawwww." And... BECAUSE I CAN! Oh yeah, and I came up with some nifty titles for chapters I'm sure none of you will notice! But I did it anyway. But please, enjoy. I do hope you're just as confused as Lisbon is!

***

Ch. 2 – Self Reflection

The dim lighting of the bathroom helped ease the pain I felt from the lamp, but it did nothing to calm my troubled mind. Nothing was making any sense. Why didn't I just ask Jane what happened last night? Why did I let myself get so angry? I splashed some cold water on my face in hopes it would help me calm down.

"The real question here is: Why did you let him keep your most valuable item?"

My head jolted up from the sink. I frantically looked for the person who dared to stick their nose in my business. But the bathroom was empty.

"So? Why'd you give him your necklace? It's not just because you have his vest."

I slowly turned around, refusing to believe what I saw.

There was my reflection, hands on her hips, giving me an accusatory stare.

I was too afraid to respond. It was one thing to see things that aren't actually there, it was a whole other thing to actually talk to them.

"You can keep staring at me, mouth agape, or you can try to answer my question. Either way I'm going to hang around until I find an answer."

"I... I was angry. I wasn't thinking straight."

"Now we both know that's not completely true. If you were just angry, you would have kicked him out of your office, not hand over your most precious object. Was it your own special way of telling him you want to give your whole self to him?"

Wait, did my own reflection just accuse me of being in love with Jane? I really must be going crazy.

"No, that's not it. You're also refusing to give back his vest. And we both know that's not his most precious object."

I could feel my stomach protesting with every word my look-alike said.

She snapped her fingers as if she'd just solved the riddle.

"They're both things from your past. Your necklace is from your mother. Jane's vest, his whole attire really, is what he would wear in his showmanship years. They're like reminders of how you two should behave, and that helps keep people distant."

I could only look at her – at myself – with sad eyes, pleading for her to stop. For all of this to stop.

"You want to see the man without his armor. And you want him to see you without yours. I guess you never thought that the moment you took off your armor you'd be quite this vulnerable."

"Am... am I going crazy?"

"The woman asks her own reflection."

My body protested this realization and I ran into one of the stalls to empty the contents of my stomach. Really though, I could only be thankful for my sudden sickness. It kept me from thinking that years of stress had finally caused me to go completely and utterly insane.

---

I woke up on the bathroom floor, unsure if I should feel mortified or relieved. I could still taste (and feel) the bile that escaped my stomach before I blacked out. I washed my face and hands in the sink while eying my reflection suspiciously. But this time it was doing just what reflections are supposed to do: mimic my every move and _not _talk. I decided that my conversation with myself was a product of my apparent sickness.

I had no idea how long I blacked out for in the bathroom, but nobody seemed overly concerned for my well being so it must not have been that long. Strange though, the building felt much emptier than it should, and no one from the team, save Jane, were around.

Jane was leaning against the window, but his attention was not on what was outside. He was staring at my necklace that was draped over his hand.

He tucked it safely into his... vest... pocket...

Wait! Did he go through my bag to get that back?

"Lisbon, why was my vest in your bag?"

He gave me that look he gets when trying to get information from suspects. God, I hate when he gives me that look. My mind instantly went back to my "conversation" in the bathroom. I kept my gaze away from him and gave him the first response I could think of.

"You have my necklace." I shrugged.

"That's what you wanted."

I just nodded in response.

"So, what? My vest is collateral? Insurance that I'll take care of your necklace?"

I could feel his gaze burning into me, trying to find the answer I couldn't fully give. I thought that he'd left his vest, I never considered that I might have been the one to take it. I still couldn't remember.

And for some reason, I just wanted to cling on to that vest, to feel the fabric. Even though I still blame everything that's happened today on that piece of clothing, holding on to it this morning helped me feel a bit more grounded.

"No..." I met his gaze, just for a second, but it was enough to cause every muscle in my body to tense. He must have noticed because all of a sudden I was holding on to his vest. It felt like my entire body sighed in relief once I rubbed my thumb across the fabric.

Jane placed his hand on my shoulder and guided me to his couch. He didn't remove it after we sat, he just kept looking at me. I kept my gaze glued to the article of clothing in my hands.

"Lisbon."

I didn't respond. Half because I didn't want to, half because I was lost in thought.

"Lisbon."

Lost in thought about my conversation with my reflection.

"Lisbon!"

I was starting to doubt that it was just a byproduct of sickness.

"Teresa! Look at me."

I don't know if it was first name or the sound of desperation in his voice that shook me from my thoughts, but I finally looked up and held his gaze. Tears were stinging my eyes, threatening to escape.

"What's going on?"

I couldn't tell him that I've gone completely crazy. I'm supposed to be the calm and cool Senior Agent Lisbon. And I worked hard to get there, I couldn't risk all of that being taken away from me. But I still needed answers.

"I... I can't remember what happened last night."


	3. Chapter 3: Spinning Possibilities

Coincidence that I decided to upload this on a Tuesday night? No. Coincidence that Lisbon also couldn't remember what happened on a Tuesday night in Red Badge? Yes. I totally didn't plan that part.

***

Ch. 3 – Spinning Possibilities

Jane stared at the wall to think about what I'd just said. If he was shocked, he was hiding it well. He didn't ask me how careful I'd been with my drinks, he already knew that answer. I wouldn't even let him bring me coffee in the mornings anymore. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just wanted to keep in the habit of not accepting drinks from others, for my sake.

"Well, I can put you in a light trance again and we can see what information we get from that."

I knew that's what he would suggest, but that didn't stop my worry. If he dug too deep, he would find out about my hallucination, and he would probably think I'm just as crazy as I think I am.

I clung onto his vest tighter in hopes it would help keep the look of fear off my face, though I doubt it did any good.

"No." Was all I could muster as I shook my head.

"Why not? Last time it helped us figure out that you were drugged."

"Because letting you inside my head once was one time too many already."

"I promise that this time, I'll only ask you about what you remember. I wont pry any further."

I was still hesitant, but I really needed answers. Was I really just going crazy, or did someone drug me again? And if I was drugged again, who did it?

I caved and nodded to him. He just smiled and led me back to my office. All the while he comfortably held my shoulders, his soothing voice telling me everything would be alright, counting backwards from one hundred. Before I knew it, my mind was empty and I felt content sitting lazily on my couch with my eyes closed.

"Now before we start, what day is it today?"

I thought about it for a second. "Wednesday?"

"Hmm..." He paused for a minute, while fear and uncertainty crept back up on me. It was Wednesday, wasn't it?

"It's okay, Lisbon. Everything's okay, you're safe and calm..." Somehow, Jane managed to calm me down without addressing whether or not today was Wednesday. "So tell me what happened on Tuesday. Start from the beginning."

"I woke up at six, went for my morning run. I felt stuffy, but not sick, so I took some allergy medicine. Then I showered, got ready for work, had some coffee."

"You made your own coffee?"

"Yeah."

"Let's fast forward a little bit. You're at work..."

---

_There was a murder in the suburbs here in Sacramento. She was a secretary for a judge. When she didn't come to work or answer her cell or home phone, her boyfriend (who was also the judge's son) went to check up on her and found her stabbed to death._

_ We went to inspect the crime scene as usual, but the men responsible for collecting the evidence couldn't seem to handle capturing the woman's cat. Unfortunately for me, the cat seemed to like me, so I caught the little fuzzball to put him in the carrier. But as soon as the creature saw what I was up to, it bit me, hard enough to draw blood. I practically threw the damned cat in its cage. The moment the cage door was closed I burst into a fit of sneezes. I went back to the car to find my relief._

_ It just had to be a damn cat._

_ However, the cat proved to be useful in our investigation. There were traces of human blood that didn't belong to the victim on the cat's fur, suggesting the killer might have accidentally cut himself. The judge agreed to a DNA sample, but his son did not. Of course the judge's DNA came to a close match, incriminating his son. But the man insisted that it was due to a prior injury he'd gotten while at the victim's house, and with no other evidence, we had to let the man go. With the help of one of Jane's crazy schemes, we caught him trying to discard the murder weapon that still had traces of the victim's blood on it._

_---_

_ Later that afternoon, Narcotics came to us asking for help on a drug bust, due to being short-staffed that day. Since our last case closed pretty quickly, I agreed to lend our services._

_ The senior agent of Narcotics and myself were the first to bust through the door. One of the men reacted by pushing a flimsy shelf case over at us. The shelves were laced with years worth of dust and glass containers filled with different colored chemicals. A big puff of dust and God knows what else encased the room. I tried not to inhale as the other agent pushed me toward cleaner air, but my attempt seemed to have failed because I couldn't stop coughing. Though the other agent seemed unaffected. But then again, my body is more sensitive to dust._

_ Cho, Rigsby, and one of the other agents from Narcotics were able to apprehend the suspects while I swallowed my relief down with a bottle of water._

_---_

_ That evening I actually put a considerable dent in my paperwork. After handing in my finished papers, while walking back to my office, I saw a handcuffed man cause a commotion. The agents in charge seemed to have things under control, but I kept my attention on him, just in case. But with my attention elsewhere, I failed to notice the man in front of me. I bumped into him, my face landing right in his bouquet of poppy flowers._

_ Seriously, who gives anyone poppies?_

_ Thankfully there was no sneezing or coughing that time. But my nose turned so red it could have rivaled Rudolph's, and breathing became more difficult._

_ I quickly apologized and ran back to my office to get the one thing that was able to help get me through the day that was hell-bent on making me feel physically miserable._

_---_

"And then what happened?"

"Then... Then..."

My mind was reeling with what felt like contradictory information, leaving me feeling even more confused. Half of my mind knew what to say next, present what I thought to be facts. The other half was convinced that those were not the true facts.

"Waking up... hazy... vest... my necklace... the mirror... I feel sick. I... I."

"It's okay."

He touched my forehead and brought me out of my dazed state. But when I opened my eyes, instead of waking to a sense of clarity, I woke to a spinning room.

He gave me a look that I supposed was filled with concern, but I couldn't focus on his face. The room was spinning too fast.

"Jane." My voice cracked. My throat and mouth were dry, but my eyes welled with tears. It was as if my eyes stole all the moisture in my body, and I couldn't stop the tears from spilling over. "I think I'm losing it."

He stroked my arm.

"Shh. It's okay, Lisbon. I think I know what happened--"

His lips were still moving, but I couldn't hear him. All sounds faded out and all I could hear was ringing.

No! Not now! I was finally getting the answers I so desperately needed!

The spinning room came to a sudden halt, and knocked me out.


	4. Chapter 4: Epilogue

So this be the end. It's very short, I know. But I thought it got the message across rather nicely.

***

Epilogue

The ringing slowly turned into the obnoxious tone of my alarm, shaking me from my hazy dream, and I rubbed my forehead feeling groggy. The instant I opened my eyes, all memory of my dream left. The soft sunlight illuminated my familiar and comfortable room.

Was I drinking last night? When I thought about it, I found I didn't even remember leaving my office. And I had no headache that usually followed a night of drinking. My sinuses felt clogged, but that was about it. I didn't always get hangovers, but even I knew it was unusual not to have one if I drank enough to black out. And even more unusual was I didn't remember deciding to drink.

Woah, talk about deja vu. This all feels way too familiar.

I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes with one hand and using the other as a support on my bed. I scrunched the fabric that rested underneath. It felt familiar, but it definitely didn't belong on my bed.

And there it was, I recognized it immediately.

Jane's vest was lying there next to me in my bed.

***

Confused? I hope so. I was going for that. Because, I thought we could all go for something a bit more fun. A game, as it were. The first person to (Private Message) the correct guess as to what in the heck they think just happened, I will write a Mentalist fic for them with whatever prompt they so choose. Of course it has to be within the rules of the site, but I should hope that goes without saying. Who knows, maybe I wasn't so sneaky in my clues, I hope I was, though ;) So don't be shy! Make a guess!

***!* Congratulations to **phoenixmagic1 **for being the first to send me the correct answer! I'll reveal the answer to the rest of you in the fic I write for the winna! *!***


End file.
